Lessons from Italy

Hello everyone!  I'm sorry it's been a while since I've blogged but I can only say that my busy life as a working mom with 3 kids has gotten the best of me.  Some of you know that I just returned from a small villa in Tuscany where I learned to cook authentic Italian with 2 lovely Italian women.  They didn't speak a lick of English so we had a translator who was from Romania. 

One of the hardest things about being a mom is that you ALWAYS feel like you need a break.  (or is it only me that feels that way?)  You think to yourself, "Oh, if I could just have some time for myself I would be a better mom."  The only problem with that thought process is once you are gone....you miss your kids like hell!  It's really a strange dynamic and one that only moms can really understand.  I also think it's interesting that no matter where in the world you visit, women will always agree that being a mom is universally the most important job in the world!

To all my fellow moms, I thought you would find some of my lessons from Italy really hit home.

Lesson #1:  Always party like your an Italian.
While we were at our quaint Tuscan villa, there were two Italian parties in our dining room.  One was for a baptism and the other was for a first communion.  They were all day events that went well into the evening. I would even say they were 'elaborate.'  They were true celebrations with family and friends.  The Italians spent time drinking wine, eating wonderful food, drinking more wine, and talking....lots of talking and sharing their everyday stories with their families.  In our busy lives, I think sometimes we forget to cherish and enjoy these very special milestones.  I think we all need to learn to party like we are Italians.

Lesson #2:  Forget worrying about the small stuff --- Italian kids have pacifiers until they go to school!
Do you ever find yourself worrying too much about "mom" things - Should I take away the pacifier? Are my kids eating well?  Should I buy "My Baby Can Read" --- if I don't will my kid pass his ACT?  Will my baby take his blanket to kindergarten?  We worry, worry, and worry some more about how bad we are screwing up our kids.  The Italians just take every day as it comes and I found --- they don't sweat the small stuff.  I found myself counting how many kids had pacifiers well past age 5.  Crazy, I know!  I'm sure Italians don't count how many kids have pacifiers when they come to the U.S.  My point is that I saw several kids - well over 10 with pacifiers after age 5.  I also found the Italian moms to be very laid back.  I decided I need to take more of their approach to raising my kids. 

Lesson #3:  Embrace your curves!
I know this one is easier said than done.  Trust me --- I still can't shake the muffin top (or as I call it - my "Grayson roll") well over a year after I've had him.  It just isn't the same to have a baby in your 40's and have all the weight just roll off.  Yes, Halle Berry can do it --- but let's be real --- most us don't have her genetic make-up.  I used to have a similar hair-do in my 30s, but that is the CLOSEST I'll ever come to Halle.  What I love about the Italian cooks I shared my week with --- forget about the bikini body.  I came back with the 10 pounds back on that I just lost!  Enjoy food, enjoy wine, enjoy life - curves or no curves.  For those of us who endlessly focus on our bodies, and are so self-conscious of our curves, this is some GREAT advice!

Lesson #4:  You can NEVER have too much of a good thing!
When you cook with the Italians, you will find that they add more olive oil, cheese and garlic than any of us would ever think about adding.  When I say they add olive oil, I mean they drench their food in olive oil.  One word I understood after my week's worth of cooking - Olio!    Then there is the wine --- lots and lots of wine.  They drink wine with every meal except breakfast.  If you wanted wine for breakfast, they would serve it to you.  The villa we stayed at was also a vineyard and winery.  I consumed more wine in 6 days that I have in a whole year here.  So, my last Italian lesson - you just can't have enough of a good thing!

 Our Tuscan Villa

 The beautiful town of Sienna

 A view from our Villa

 One of our cooking lessons

Our Italian cooks (left and right) and our translator (center)

It was the trip of a lifetime.  I took time for myself and my marriage! I missed my kids terribly but more importantly, I took the time to miss them.  We all need to find time to enjoy and celebrate our lives like the Italians. 

Why Moms Yell!

Have any of you ever heard this question from your little cherubs, "mom, why do you yell?"  I really never wanted to be a mom that yelled.  You know the one I mean.  You've seen them in Target and Copps yelling at the their naughty kids with dirty clothes with dirty faces.  The moms you are afraid to make eye contact with in their fit of rage fearing you may be their next victim?  The moms you see and wonder how God came up with his grand plan of breeding?    Well, I'll admit it.  I YELL!  Step one of my recovery process is admitting what you do (or something like that) so here goes again ---Yep, I YELL!  I don't do it daily, or even weekly, but every now and then it happens.  I hate yelling so I thought I'd write a post about it hoping to hear that you, too, yell. 

I had a stressful morning today and yelled at my kids.  I hate yelling in the morning.  I feel guilty all day that I ruined my kids entire day.  On my way to work, I began pondering reasons why mom's yell. Grab your caffiene and hang on.  I've compiled my short list for you:

 Reason 1:  Kids do stupid stuff and we wonder to ourselves, "Did I do this stupid shit to my mom?" 

Here's my visual illustration of this reason. 

My daughter's dresser that I asked her to pick up!  Should beauty products and garbage be mixed in the same pile?  My kids thought:  "Mom is going to go balistic when she sees my dresser but maybe she'll pick it up after she yells."







Really, we can't get the laundry into the basket which is ONLY 1 foot away?
My kids thought:  "Mom needs to wash my dirty clothes, so she'll pick it up."









Can anyone else see the the bathroom wastebasket is full?
My kids thought: "Mom isn't going to let garbage take over the bathroom so she'll empty it."

Reason #2:  Being a mom can be overwhelming!
I think it's safe to say we've all been there.  Too many irons in the fire, not enough time to get everything done, and EVERYONE needing a piece of you.  Let me expand on this point for those of you who might not get the 411 on reason #2.  I was gone all weekend to a volleyball tournament.  I tried to at least get a little work done at the tourney, but was too engrossed in watching and learning volleyball.  When I returned home completely spent  after a horrible drive in freezing rain that took 4 hours instead of 2, my teething baby with snot pouring out of his nose was anxiously waiting for 100% of my love and attention.  My middle daughter needed to tell me every single detail about the weekend birthday party she attended.  I timed it - she talked 43 minutes NON-STOP. My ears may have actually been bleeding!  Throw in laundry --- unpack bags --- organize house --- check email for work --- bedtime books and bottle --- ah, 8:45 - my time!   Nope, forgot about the dog.  He needs a few treats and some petting --- ah, 9:00 pm.  I can review my notes for my 8:30 a.m. lecture.  Nope, kid with a headache --- tylenol, pep talk, bedtime, again!  9:15 pm --- dog needs to go outside!  9:30 pm --- I collapse in a heap ---surrender --- and hope for the best in the morning.

Morning comes - I run around all morning and my kids don't do the simple tasks that I ask.  I lose it --- I YELL!

Reason #3:
Crazy sports parents YELL!
Now, let me say there is good yelling and bad yelling at your kids sports events. I want to be the positive and encouraging parent.  The one that wants their kid to have fun, love the sport, and improve their skills.   Do I need to draw you a picture of the parent we DON'T want to be.  Again, you know the one I mean.  She yells at EVERY call the ref makes --- when her kid ISN'T in the game ---when her kid IS in the game  --- when her kid scores a point --- when her kid DOESN'T score a point --- when her kids team loses (it's everyone's fault) --- and even when her kids team wins!  She can even have her kid in tears.   I've found these parents can be downright nasty.  They are in it to win it and nothing else matters. I wonder if these parents EVER talk to their kids about the love of the game, the importance of teamwork, and the ethics of being a good sport.  I'm making a broad statement here - and you can feel free to disagree with me - but the parents I have seen in gymnastics and volleyball that act like this are from of the MOST elite club teams in the state.  My assumption is they want their kids to get a division 1 scholarship and they pay a lot of money to support their kids, therefore, they can yell? 

Reason #4:  Sometimes we just get mad!
This one probably only applies to me.  Let me set the stage --- picture this ---  I had a few things on my plate.  My baby was recovering from a hand injury and was just home from a short stay in the hospital.  My husband threw out his back shoveling and basically couldn't move...which really means he couldn't help with the kids.  I'm driving home from work in my BRAND NEW mini-van on  a snowy day.  Yes, I did say mini-van.  I traded in my Highlander and bought a good ol', family-lovin mini-van.  As cool as it ain't, I love it!  I approached a stop light, the light turned yellow, I stopped (being the law abiding citizen that I am.)  I'm waiting at a red light when someone barrels into me from behind going 35 mph --- IN THE SNOW --- and hits my new mini-van.  I jump out of my van and YELL!  I don't just mean raise my voice - I was in a full-fledged, outright YELL.  I yelled as loud as I could at a nice, young businessman on his way home to have lunch with his wife.  (She probably doesn't yell).  This poor guy was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He got a serious talking to about driving too fast in the snow!  Not only did I yell, but I realized I sounded like a tried and true mother!  My words were the kind of words I would have heard my mom say.  I think he may have went home, cowered in a fetal position, sucked his thumb, and asked his wife to never yell at him.  I have to tell you that it wasn't my proudest moment and I did apologize to the young man.  Amazingly he wouldn't make eye contact with me after I yelled at him.  I'm pretty sure he was waiting for my eyes to turn green and my head to spin around.   

So, I guess yelling is a part of being a mom.  We don't want to yell.  We even try hard not to yell.  We just want to be the best parent we can be.  We learn everyday through trial and error and at the end of the day, we just do the best we can whether we are yelling, talking, whispering, hugging, crying or laughing.





Reflecting on Year 1

Amazing.  My son's first birthday blew by in January and it's taken me this long to post to my blog.  I really was celebrating the fact that I survived year 1.  I was more excited about that little tidbit than I was with my baby turning 1 years old.  A few highlights of the past year:

--I never in a million years would have thought I would have had another baby.  I can assure you that the 4 pregnancy tests I took shocked me.  My friend Sarah and I even went to Target to purchase a few more just to make sure.  It was a bit like two young girls buying pregnancy tests who didn't want to be seen.  I took the pregnancy test in the Target bathroom and had 2 more positives.  I thought I had mistaken identity with a high school girl afraid to face the world with baby in tow.

--So, on the path of a 40+ year old mom-to-be I went.  How could I join new playgroups when I was as old as the other mom's mom? Would I be completely gray when my child starts kindergarten?  Will I ever be able to retire?  Is my husbands idea of naming our child '401k' completely outrageous?  Do I really have to watch Barney again?  Will I roll right into menopause after giving birth?
--Then delivery!  Why God thought it was a good idea for women to push out an 8 lb baby is beyond me!  This must be part of his grand plan of the universe.  Why else would he put us through that kind of pain?  The funny thing is that you really do forget but let me assure you that everything you blocked out comes rolling back in like a summer thunderstorm.

--Next we had a baby that just plain and simple wasn't a sleeper.  Who knew that babies sometimes didn't sleep the first year?  I tried it all --- Ferber, aromatherapy, massage, 25 nookies in the crib, praying, begging, pleading, drinking wine (for me -- not him).  I'm happy to report that it finally has happened --- he sleeps!  Now, let's not get too overzealous in rejoicing because I don't want to jinx it.  I can only say I don't really want to go back to that state of sleeping with my eyes open 24/7.  I have NEVER been that tired in my entire life.  I praise and worship all of the working moms in the world that suck down as much caffeine as I do to make it through a day!  Every expert says you should try to exercise to have more energy.  Are you kidding me?  I'm a working mom of three with a baby that doesn't sleep.  What world are "the experts" living in?  Caffeine!

--My boy was in a local ad campaign over the summer for UW Health.  Of all things ironic, it was for a fertility clinic.  Yep, really, a fertility clinic.  The irony just doesn't end because he is going to be featured in another UW Health ad campaign in March --- yep, fertility.  A failed vasectomy and a fertility campaign. 

Here I sit, 1 short year later, still slamming my afternoon diet coke and reflecting on what the last year has brought into my life.  Chaos, exhaustion, frustration, and true, deep love. I have to be honest with you - it took some time for me to accept my current situation.  My girlfriends have spent many an hour counseling me over wine.  I can finally say that it's going to be o.k.  It's all good and I got the biggest treasure anyone could ever hope for...my baby G!  He is sweet to the bone and it surely doesn't hurt that he is the cutest baby you'll ever see.